Possession. I am in possession of much. I have the tangibles - clean water, food, property, and even luxury goods. I have the intangibles - love and support from family and friends. I even have romantic love available - if I could open myself up to it. In short, I'm lucky, and I know it.
I have all this, so why do I feel the sadness attributed to lack? Maybe what I'm missing is something to dream about. The dreams I had about what my life could be were so very vague in my youth, and have subsequently been swept away by rejection and failure in the last decade. The reality of rejection and failure is so prevalent that I can no longer expect anything else. I now fully expect to fail, or to be rejected, and no dreams intrude on this reality.
So when I lay down on my pillow at night I do not know what utopia, what possession, what fate to think about. What do you dream of when you believe you can never possess that dream? The answer, of course, is that you only sleep; you embrace the numb stasis of slumber and dream of nothing at all.
"The world of men is dreaming, it has gone mad in its sleep, and a snake is strangling it, but it can't wake up."
-David Herbert Lawrence
